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DWU4 'He Jests At Scars...'

CD Audio Adventure released August 2003, one episode

Writer: Gary Russell
Director: Gary Russell

Roots: Mel quotes The Incredible Hulk ('Don't make me angry'). Star Wars ('I have a bad feeling about this'). Sapphire and Steel. Peter David's comic Future Imperfect. Walter Sickert ('101 things you can do with a knife'). Lost in Space (The Valeyard channels Doctor Smith's speech patterns). The Valeyard quotes Francis Quarles ('Be always displeased...'), William Shakespeare's Julius Caesar ('On such a full sea...') and Romeo and Juliet (the title), Fane ('Self murder, that infernal crime...').

Intertextuality: The Diadem and Pakhars were introduced in the New Adventure Legacy by Gary Russell. The BBC book Heritage, by Dale Smith. Mel's full name, history including her parents and date of birth come from the BBC book Business Unusual, again by Gary Russell. Battle TARDISes first appeared in Steve Parkhouse's DWM comic strip The Stockbridge Horror (DWM 70-75). The term Grandfather Paradox is given meaning in Alien Bodies by Lawrence Miles. The implication that the Valeyard was in Whitechapel echoes BBC book Matrix. The Valeyard sees Chronopolis as the Doctor's ancestral home, from Lungbarrow. Ellie is from Big Finish's Sarah Jane Smith range. The Doctor, Steven and Dodo were in Kiev in the BBC book Bunker Soldiers.

Goofs: Elle seems to know a lot about the Doctor considering she's only known the Valeyard. Even more, why does she call the Valeyard 'Doctor' when the Valeyard never goes by that name and wouldn't have introduced himself as such.

The Valeyard wakes up the Silurians, yet seems to not affect his own history (at the very least Ellie is still travelling with him). When the Valeyard is on Uxarieus in 1471, he says the humans are there ten thousand years early, but 'Colony in Space' was set in 2471, only one thousand years later. He also seems to not have any problems with the Guardian of the weapon.

The Hyperion incident still happens, but the Valeyard doesn't remember the solution of vionesium he saw.

Urbankans aren't a time travelling race, so why is one collected? [They develop time travel later.]

If the Valeyard destroys Gallifrey, and the space station (or rather, it didn't exist), then there was no trial, so the Valeyard never got the Doctor's lives.

Nula says that Melanie turns up in the cell via the Time Ring, but later we see her arrive on a prison ship.

Fluffs: When Jayston gets excited his voices takes on an uncanny impersonation of Sylvester McCoy's! (or is this deliberate?)

Technobabble: The Megabyte Modem gets another outing - twice!

Dialogue Disasters: 'Right now your brain is being munched by the web of time.'

Dialogue Triumphs: 'so nothing should change... except we'll be free of that appalling dress sense.'

'I can't be outwitted by a non-sentient theoretical concept.'

'You are the Doctor, whether you like it or not.'

Double Entendres: 'Blimey Doctor, I had no idea it was this big.'

Continuity: What if... the Valeyard defeated the Doctor

[It should be noted that since most of the adventure is a projection taking place within the Valeyard's TARDIS, not everything that is said or takes place - and therefore noted here - necessarily happened...]

After the downfall of the High Council at the end of the Doctor's trial, a president elect was put in place. They returned Earth (and presumably the rest of the solar system) to its correct place. Vansell is current co-ordinator of the CIA.

Objects in the vortex are protected from changes to the time lines. When the web of time is damaged, time either retracts the damaged thread, or grows a new one. Time doesn't unravel all at once.

Chronopolis was created by the Valeyard, specifically within which to house a sample of every species he has destroyed (which is due to the Doctor's influence in him). It is located within the vortex, around the TARDIS to protect it. Mel sees it as Brighton, which is near her home in Pease Pottage, and where she first met the sixth Doctor, the Valeyard saw it as a large house at the foot of a mountain with daisies and rainbows [Lungbarrow]. [Gerrof and Nula don't react to Mel's description of it, so either are a part of the construct/projection or see it like that as well.]

The companions who would/might have travelled with the Doctor included Peri, Evelyn, Ace, Hex, Charley, C'Rizz.

After sabotaging the Valeyard's megabyte modem, the Doctor was trapped in the matrix with the Valeyard. The Valeyard is something along the lines of the Watcher from 'Logopolis'. By taking the Doctor's life, the Valeyard has gained immortality and the combined knowledge and experiences of his past and future selves. He can't tell the gender of Pakhars. The Valeyard considers to himself to be 'the Mighty One, Ruler of Chronopolis, Master of the Universal Destiny, Keeper of the Flame of Life, Guardian of the Time Ways'.

The Valeyard and Ellie visit Saurius Major, Skaro (to prevent the creation of the Daleks), Brighton on Earth (to prevent Mel from meeting the Doctor). They still land on the Hyperion III, but the adventure results in the deaths of all involved. The Valeyard has met with all of his former selves.

The Valeyard's companion, Ellenor Martin, carries canisters of greganic acid in her tool box, though the Valeyard has complained about it before. She was an 'Eco-warrior' whom he saved from being hit by a police car during a protest.

Had Mel not left Earth, she would have died of a brain tumour at the age of 48 in 2012. One of Mel's other possible futures involves the Nosferatu II crashing on Sela Magna. After an initial encounter with the Valeyard, she spends ten years within the projections within the TARDIS trying to track him down again.

Links: 'The Trial of a Time Lord', 'Colony in Space', 'The Time Monster' (Time Ram, interstitial time), 'Logopolis', 'Genesis of the Daleks' ( the time ring), 'Bloodtide', 'Warriors' Gate' (Tharils), 'Delta and the Bannermen' (Navarinos), 'Four to Doomsday' (Urbankans), 'The Horns of Nimon' (the Nimon), 'The Apocalypse Element' (Archetryx, the Monan Host), 'The Space Museum' (Moroks), 'The Twin Dilemma' (evil slugs). The Daleks, Cybermen, Sontarans, killer robots, and Susan all get a name-check. 'Neverland' (Vansell can't pronounce Earth names.)

Location: Gallifrey/the Matrix, Uxarieus (in 1471), Chronopolis, Pakha. Galapagos Islands

Untelevised Adventures: The Valeyard and Ellie had been on Saurius Major. The first Doctor, Dodo and Steven visited Kiev in the 13th century (see Intertextuality) shortly before the Doctor's first visit to Logopolis. The Doctor (or possibly the Valeyard) picked up a knife in Whitechapel from Walter Sickert.

The Bottom Line: 'Don't call me the Doctor'

Although this adventure pretty much shows why the Valeyard was discouraged from the novel range for such a long time, this adventure is actually an enjoyable fan-wank romp through TV, novels and other audios, making a mess of continuity as it goes. Just as well it's all a projection or we'd be here all day trying to get it all to make sense! And Bonnie Langford excels as an older - and bitter - Mel.

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