Doctor Who: The Ultimate Guide: The Canonical list of sexual imagery on the NA covers

constructed by Alden Bates.

This is an example of what happens when you get bored. Obviously the Virgin NAs are a cauldron of smut and depravity, as is demonstrated by the incredible amount of imagery which pops up (hur hur) on the covers. Here's a non-too complete list of said smuttery to prove it.

Genesys:: Phallic symbols: Isthar's head, Gilgamesh's spear
The big hole in the wall is a rather suggestive shape...
Neither of the people on the cover are wearing much.
Exodus:: Phallic symbols: the dagger, the horns on the goat mask
There are some highly questionable symbols on that robe, plus there's a window in the background with a tall rounded shape
Apocalypse:: Phallic symbols: The giant sea monster, Arun's gun, that thing on the prow of the boat.
Arun's not wearing much, but then she's a leper.
Revelation:: Phallic symbols: The church tower, the stubby astronaught
Speculations as to what's going on under those robes is welcome.
Time's Crucible:: Phallic symbols: The giant leech, the cat's tail, those buildings.
is it just me or is Ace directing a sultry look at the reader?
Warhead:: Phallic symbols: More buildings, Ace's Big Gun[tm], the Doctor's holding his umbrella.
Witch Mark:: Phallic symbols: The TARDIS, Unicorn's horn, cat's tail.
the Unicorn halfway through the dolmen [phoar!!]
Isn't that waterfall in the background suggestive?
Nightshade:: Phallic symbols: The radio telescope THRUSTing at the sky! also that, er, nose on the insect monster...
Love and War:: Phallic symbol: The bollock monster, Benny's Big Gun[tm]
The TARDIS under the hoop [phoar! Blatent one that!]
Transit:: Phallic symbols: the TARDIS, the drone's grasping hands
All that transit tunnel needs is a train whooshing into it...
The Highest Science:: Phallic symbols: The Doctor's umbrella again, the Chelonian's Big Guns[tm], the tank turret.
The Pit:: Phallic symbols: the Doctor's lying on his umbrella this time.
The bare-breasted pteradactyl riders [Reeeeally subtle guys...]
Deceit:: Ace is almost sucking that mouth-mike
Lucifer Rising:: Phallic symbol: Ace's gun again, pointed directly at us, long phallic spaceships. The Doctor's taken to hanging around with giant transparent bollocks.
White Darkness:: Don't aim that umbrella at me! Benny and Ace are both holding Big Guns[tm]. The zombie isn't wearing much, so is pretty sexy as decomposing zombies go.
Shadowmind:: Yup, Big Guns[tm] again. And what about those kilns then?
Birthright:: Phallic symbols: The TARDIS, the Charrl, more tall buildings. ...Lots of tall buildings.... tall buildings THRUSTing at the sky...
Iceberg:: The molesting cyberhand [thanks Dave], The TARDIS. [Cybermen have never been this sexy!]
Bloodheat:: Phallic symbols: The TARDIS, there's a spire in the background.
Neither dinosaur nor Silurian have any clothes on.
The Dimension Riders:: Phallic symbols: The Chess pieces, the Doctor's clutching his umbrella again.
Left-Handed Hummingbird:: Phallic symbols: the Doctor's umbrella [clutching it again, dirty bastard]
Pyramids [say-no-more]
Conundrum:: Phallic symbols: The supervillian, Ace's Big Gun[tm], another church spire.
No Future:: Phallic symbols: Most of the people on the cover, Benny's microphone, the guitar(s).
Tragedy Day:: Another NA, another gun.
Legacy:: Phallic symbols: The Ice Warrior's helmet, the sword of Tuburr. why isn't Alpha Centauri on the cover? I wonder if they docked the artist for that faux paus
Theatre of War:: The groping Ace statue.
All-Consuming Fire:: Phallic symbols: The Doctor's umbrella reappears, the tail with the knob on the end, Holmes' gun, and whatever that is draped over the statue's shoulders.
Blood Harvest:: Benny's torch, the whole long corridor imagery thing.
Strange England:: Phallic symbols: The Doctor's clutching his umbrella again. [Put it away]
First Frontier:: Phallic symbols: Ace's gun, the downed saucer, the fifties car, the cactus, the motel sign
Ace's low-cut combat suit [cut?!]
St Anthony's Fire:: Phallic symbols: The lizard men, the umbrella, the TARDIS, more guns, whatever that lizard man is poking into the fire.
Falls the Shadow:: Tanith's low-cut top. Those plants are getting a little _too_ friendly with Benny...
Parasite:: Quite a few balls, and that ape looks iffy, not to mention the squid
Warlock:: Phallic symbols: Ace's gun, the mushroom cloud. Ace's low-cut combat suit again
Set Piece:: Phallic symbols: Ace's dagger, the ant's bits.
Plus we get Ace in a cheerleader's outfit and a pair of pyramids [again!]
Infinite Requiem:: The phallic looking woman, and will someone please take the Doctor's umbrella away before he does himself an injury?
Sanctuary:: The TARDIS, that big bow and sword. What's that big metal thing on the horse behind him?
Human Nature:: Phallic symbols: Another Big Gun[tm]. Firing even.
Original Sin:: Adjudicators in phallic metal suits. No umbrella and no guns, though it's obvious from the Doctor's left hand that he's pining for it.
Sky Pirates!:: Phallic symbols: the Doctor's umbrella, the Sloathe claw.
The womb-like Sloathe ship.
Toy Soldiers:: Phallic symbols: The turret. Possibly also the chimney stack.
Zamper:: Phallic symbols: Those zamper creatures.
Head Games:: The Doctor's Big Gun[tm] [what's that they say about gun sizes?], the TARDIS console [the rotor THRUSTS!]
The Also People:: Phallic spaceships, not to mention the teapot spout.
Shakedown:: Phallic symbols: The Sontaran, the spaceship, there's a rocket in the background for in case you missed the point.
Just War:: Phallic symbols: Flagpoles! Lots of men with Big Guns[tm], building spire, the TARDIS.
Warchild:: Phallic symbols: Now that's a Big Gun[tm].
Sleepy:: Another pyramid. [Gee...]
Death and Diplomacy:: Phallic symbols: Jason's Big Gun[tm], though the robot's got a bigger one, and Jason's looking jealous too.
*** The new cover design premieres, and it looks like silk sheets that someone's been sitting on. ***
Happy Endings:: Phallic symbols: The church tower in the background, but that's fairly well hidden. The Unicorn's horn. Sgloomi...
GodEngine:: Another sword. More Ice Warriers.
Christmas on a Rational Planet:: A TOTEM pole for heaven's sake. [Better than the one we were going to get though]
Return of the Living Dad:: Well, that spaceship does look a little phallic... And the crop circles are pretty suggestive.
The Death of Art:: Womb-like underground place.
Damaged Goods:: If you ignore the phallic intestines, not much.
So Vile a Sin:: Those artists are getting clever at hiding the smut. There are a lot of pointy phallic buildings far in the background of the picture though.
Bad Therapy:: A big SPEAR!
Eternity Weeps:: Well, there's balls in it, plus the moon rover... Really they were reaching here.
The Room with No Doors:: Chris waving two swords. [Dude!] the kinky costume that woman is wearing.
Lungbarrow:: The Doctor clutching his brolly still [oer!] and the minotaur is clutching a rather phallic pole. And that whole attic is just womb-like.
The Dying Days:: Yes, it's men in rubber... And towers in the background. Not to mention Paul "dead sexy" McGann.
Oh No It Isn't!: Wolsey's got a big gun! Not to mention leather.
Dragon's Wrath:: Well, there's a vaguely phallic looking dragon...
Beyond the Sun:: Two people flee from a huge city of... phallic symbols!
Ship of Fools:: It's all organic and wibbling and oooo! And is that rubber Benny's wearing?
Down:: Can you get any more blatant than that dinosaur neck??
Deadfall:: Jason (I'm assuming) brandishes his weapon at two woman in low-cut rubber cat-suits.
Ghost Devices:: Spears and buildings and well, need I say more?
Mean Streets:: Look, just how many times can they use the tall phallic building metaphwoar?
Tempest:: Well... what can I say? That train is about as subtle as Seven of Nine in Voyager
Walking to Babylon:: The guards at the gates of Babylon all have spears, and the animals painted on the walls all have phallic-looking tails.
Oblivion:: Yes, Roz has a Big Gun[tm] There's three suggestive looking candles and a highly questionally shaped leaf at bottom left.
The Medusa Effect:: Blimey! Just look at that enormous thrusting... spaceship out of the windows!
Dry Pilgrimage:: Well, just look at the Saraani's head!
The Sword of Forever:: Well, just look at that. There through that windows. It's the smegging Eiffel tower!
Another Girl, Another Planet:: More phallic buildings, and a really weird spaceship (which could be phallic, I suppose, if the owner had had an accident with a desk drawer...)
Beige Planet Mars:: Yes, there's a phallic boat travelling along a canal... Not to mention phallic buildings in the background.
Where Angels Fear:: Obviously they're not afraid to go around in the nuddy though.
The Mary-Sue Extrusion:: And what's that poking out of the ground?

And so it goes on...


	Main : Doctor Who : THE ULTIMATE GUIDE! The Canonical list of sexual imagery on the NA covers constructed by Alden Bates. This is an example of what happens when you get bored. Obviously the Virgin NAs are a cauldron of smut and depravity, as is demonstrated by the incredible amount of imagery which pops up (hur hur) on the covers. Here's a non-too complete list of said smuttery to prove it. Genesys: Phallic symbols: Isthar's head, Gilgamesh's spear The big hole in the wall is a rather suggestive shape... Neither of the people on the cover are wearing much. Exodus: Phallic symbols: the dagger, the horns on the goat mask There are some highly questionable symbols on that robe, plus there's a window in the background with a tall rounded shape Apocalypse: Phallic symbols: The giant sea monster, Arun's gun, that thing on the prow of the boat. Arun's not wearing much, but then she's a leper. Revelation: Phallic symbols: The church tower, the stubby astronaught Speculations as to what's going on under those robes is welcome. Time's Crucible: Phallic symbols: The giant leech, the cat's tail, those buildings. is it just me or is Ace directing a sultry look at the reader? Warhead: Phallic symbols: More buildings, Ace's Big Gun[tm], the Doctor's holding his umbrella. Witch Mark: Phallic symbols: The TARDIS, Unicorn's horn, cat's tail. the Unicorn halfway through the dolmen [phoar!!] Isn't that waterfall in the background suggestive? Nightshade: Phallic symbols: The radio telescope THRUSTing at the sky! also that, er, nose on the insect monster... Love and War: Phallic symbol: The bollock monster, Benny's Big Gun[tm] The TARDIS under the hoop [phoar! Blatent one that!] Transit: Phallic symbols: the TARDIS, the drone's grasping hands All that transit tunnel needs is a train whooshing into it... The Highest Science: Phallic symbols: The Doctor's umbrella again, the Chelonian's Big Guns[tm], the tank turret. The Pit: Phallic symbols: the Doctor's lying on his umbrella this time. The bare-breasted pteradactyl riders [Reeeeally subtle guys...] Deceit: Ace is almost sucking that mouth-mike Lucifer Rising: Phallic symbol: Ace's gun again, pointed directly at us, long phallic spaceships. The Doctor's taken to hanging around with giant transparent bollocks. White Darkness: Don't aim that umbrella at me! Benny and Ace are both holding Big Guns[tm]. The zombie isn't wearing much, so is pretty sexy as decomposing zombies go. Shadowmind: Yup, Big Guns[tm] again. And what about those kilns then? Birthright: Phallic symbols: The TARDIS, the Charrl, more tall buildings. ...Lots of tall buildings.... tall buildings THRUSTing at the sky... Iceberg: The molesting cyberhand [thanks Dave], The TARDIS. [Cybermen have never been this sexy!] Bloodheat: Phallic symbols: The TARDIS, there's a spire in the background. Neither dinosaur nor Silurian have any clothes on. The Dimension Riders: Phallic symbols: The Chess pieces, the Doctor's clutching his umbrella again. Left-Handed Hummingbird: Phallic symbols: the Doctor's umbrella [clutching it again, dirty bastard] Pyramids [say-no-more] Conundrum: Phallic symbols: The supervillian, Ace's Big Gun[tm], another church spire. No Future: Phallic symbols: Most of the people on the cover, Benny's microphone, the guitar(s). Tragedy Day: Another NA, another gun. Legacy: Phallic symbols: The Ice Warrior's helmet, the sword of Tuburr. why isn't Alpha Centauri on the cover? I wonder if they docked the artist for that faux paus Theatre of War: The groping Ace statue. All-Consuming Fire: Phallic symbols: The Doctor's umbrella reappears, the tail with the knob on the end, Holmes' gun, and whatever that is draped over the statue's shoulders. Blood Harvest: Benny's torch, the whole long corridor imagery thing. Strange England: Phallic symbols: The Doctor's clutching his umbrella again. [Put it away] First Frontier: Phallic symbols: Ace's gun, the downed saucer, the fifties car, the cactus, the motel sign Ace's low-cut combat suit [cut?!] St Anthony's Fire: Phallic symbols: The lizard men, the umbrella, the TARDIS, more guns, whatever that lizard man is poking into the fire. Falls the Shadow: Tanith's low-cut top. Those plants are getting a little _too_ friendly with Benny... Parasite: Quite a few balls, and that ape looks iffy, not to mention the squid Warlock: Phallic symbols: Ace's gun, the mushroom cloud. Ace's low-cut combat suit again Set Piece: Phallic symbols: Ace's dagger, the ant's bits. Plus we get Ace in a cheerleader's outfit and a pair of pyramids [again!] Infinite Requiem: The phallic looking woman, and will someone please take the Doctor's umbrella away before he does himself an injury? Sanctuary: The TARDIS, that big bow and sword. What's that big metal thing on the horse behind him? Human Nature: Phallic symbols: Another Big Gun[tm]. Firing even. Original Sin: Adjudicators in phallic metal suits. No umbrella and no guns, though it's obvious from the Doctor's left hand that he's pining for it. Sky Pirates!: Phallic symbols: the Doctor's umbrella, the Sloathe claw. The womb-like Sloathe ship. Toy Soldiers: Phallic symbols: The turret. Possibly also the chimney stack. Zamper: Phallic symbols: Those zamper creatures. Head Games: The Doctor's Big Gun[tm] [what's that they say about gun sizes?], the TARDIS console [the rotor THRUSTS!] The Also People: Phallic spaceships, not to mention the teapot spout. Shakedown: Phallic symbols: The Sontaran, the spaceship, there's a rocket in the background for in case you missed the point. Just War: Phallic symbols: Flagpoles! Lots of men with Big Guns[tm], building spire, the TARDIS. Warchild: Phallic symbols: Now that's a Big Gun[tm]. Sleepy: Another pyramid. [Gee...] Death and Diplomacy: Phallic symbols: Jason's Big Gun[tm], though the robot's got a bigger one, and Jason's looking jealous too. * The new cover design premieres, and it looks like silk sheets that someone's been sitting on. * Happy Endings: Phallic symbols: The church tower in the background, but that's fairly well hidden. The Unicorn's horn. Sgloomi... GodEngine: Another sword. More Ice Warriers. Christmas on a Rational Planet: A TOTEM pole for heaven's sake. [Better than the one we were going to get though] Return of the Living Dad: Well, that spaceship does look a little phallic... And the crop circles are pretty suggestive. The Death of Art: Womb-like underground place. Damaged Goods: If you ignore the phallic intestines, not much. So Vile a Sin: Those artists are getting clever at hiding the smut. There are a lot of pointy phallic buildings far in the background of the picture though. Bad Therapy: A big SPEAR! Eternity Weeps: Well, there's balls in it, plus the moon rover... Really they were reaching here. The Room with No Doors: Chris waving two swords. [Dude!] the kinky costume that woman is wearing. Lungbarrow: The Doctor clutching his brolly still [oer!] and the minotaur is clutching a rather phallic pole. And that whole attic is just womb-like. The Dying Days: Yes, it's men in rubber... And towers in the background. Not to mention Paul "dead sexy" McGann. Oh No It Isn't! Wolsey's got a big gun! Not to mention leather. Dragon's Wrath: Well, there's a vaguely phallic looking dragon... Beyond the Sun: Two people flee from a huge city of... phallic symbols! Ship of Fools: It's all organic and wibbling and oooo! And is that rubber Benny's wearing? Down: Can you get any more blatant than that dinosaur neck?? Deadfall: Jason (I'm assuming) brandishes his weapon at two woman in low-cut rubber cat-suits. Ghost Devices: Spears and buildings and well, need I say more? Mean Streets: Look, just how many times can they use the tall phallic building metaphwoar? Tempest: Well... what can I say? That train is about as subtle as Seven of Nine in Voyager Walking to Babylon: The guards at the gates of Babylon all have spears, and the animals painted on the walls all have phallic-looking tails. Oblivion: Yes, Roz has a Big Gun[tm] There's three suggestive looking candles and a highly questionally shaped leaf at bottom left. The Medusa Effect: Blimey! Just look at that enormous thrusting... spaceship out of the windows! Dry Pilgrimage: Well, just look at the Saraani's head! The Sword of Forever: Well, just look at that. There through that windows. It's the smegging Eiffel tower! Another Girl, Another Planet: More phallic buildings, and a really weird spaceship (which could be phallic, I suppose, if the owner had had an accident with a desk drawer...) Beige Planet Mars: Yes, there's a phallic boat travelling along a canal... Not to mention phallic buildings in the background. Where Angels Fear: Obviously they're not afraid to go around in the nuddy though. The Mary-Sue Extrusion: And what's that poking out of the ground? And so it goes on...
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