Why Mel is
not a Smurf

Occasionally, I hear people compare Mel to a Smurf simply because she's small and squeaky. While on first glance, this may appear to be the case, (certainly there is a resemblance apparent in the picture on the left) this assumption is absolutely not true. Although there's a passing resemblance in terms of appearance, I contend that Mel is, in fact, a Care Bear in human form.

1. Care Bears are small and cute.
   Mel is small and cute.
   Smurfs are little slimy things. (They look slimy. Those little Smurf figures they used to sell were shiny...)
2. Care Bears always try to help people overcome their problems and better themselves.
   Mel always tries to help people overcome their problems and better themselves.
   Smurfs, although they help each other regularly, rarely assist other life forms.
3. Care Bears have brightly coloured fur.
   Mel wears brightly coloured clothing.
   Flat blue with white pants and a floppy hat is not brightly coloured.
4. Care Bears use flying cars made out of clouds to travel the world to find people to help.
   Mel uses a police box made of block transfer computations (makes as much sense) to travel the Universe to find people to help.
   Smurfs rarely leave their village which is, in all events, stationary.
5. Care Bears are likely to march boldly up to someone and give a cheerful 'Hello'.
   Mel is likely to march boldly up to someone and give a cheerful 'Hello'.
   Smurfs are secretive buggers who hide when they see humans coming.
6. Care Bears are all for the technological advancement of Care-a-lot.
   Mel is a computer programmer and therefore into technological advancement.
   Smurf technology stagnates in a permanently medieval state.
7. Care Bears can always be depended on to come through.
   Mel can always be depended on to come through.
   Smurfs get wrapped up in their own problems.
8. Care Bears are able to perceive evil.
   "Something's going wrong here, I can sense it."
   Smurfs are too busy singing to notice anything out of the ordinary.
9. When Care Bears walk, they bounce.
   When Mel walks, she bounces.
   When Smurfs walk, they complain to Papa Smurf that the journey is taking too long.
10. Care Bears have big symbols on their stomachs denoting their traits.
    Smurfs don't.
    Ever wonder why we never saw Mel's stomach? I rest my case.

In conclusion, I want to state empathetically that, although Mel's occasional reliance on the Doctor mirrors typical Smurf reliance on Papa Smurf, she is quite obviously nearer to the Care Bears. In fact, one wonders if she generates some sort of cuteness field analogous to the so-called "Care Bear Stare" which would explain why the sixth Doctor is more agreeable in the Trial season and why the seventh Doctor is completely different in season 24 from his character in his two later seasons and the NAs.